


The Yearnings of the Heart (and How Frustrating They Are)

by imbeccable



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, Fluff, It's taken months but now it's finally done, also discussions of: things that should have been talked about already NOMURA, and a teeny tiny bit of angst, anyway sora and kairi talk about those god damn drawings, discussions of: things i'm salty about, just a simple confession fic really, kairi has a Lot Of Feelings okay, she's salty about not having a satisfying character arc, written for rex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 22:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbeccable/pseuds/imbeccable
Summary: He can only imagine it’s just as frustrating for the people outside of Sora’s heart as it is for the ones in it. If anything, he’s doing them all a favor.Sora and Kairi are on their way to it anyway. They just need a little help talking about it. And Roxas knows exactly what to do to make them do so.After all, sometimes things just need a little… push in the right direction.





	The Yearnings of the Heart (and How Frustrating They Are)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rex101111](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rex101111/gifts).



> On this here national holiday (kh3 release), I hereby release the fic I've been holding in my clutches for the past few months. This piece is the product of a bet on when kh3 would be released, though tbh I would've written it if I was just asked lmao. Anyway, thanks for being patient rex, and now I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> Edit (7/23/19): I added a lil smth at the ending to make it a little more satisfying, in my own opinion. Enjoy!

There are precious few things Roxas enjoys in his life—or rather, lack thereof. While he longs for a body of his own, Sora’s heart is peaceful and calm, and the simulation of the ocean can sometimes be distracting enough to let his ache for actual life wash away for a few minutes. The other two are good company as well, Xion more so than Ventus, but that's not exactly surprising all things considered.

For all that's happened to Roxas, things could be a lot worse.

Things could be better, though.

You would think it'd be something less superficial that would get to him, something like the foreboding feeling of never getting out of there, or never seeing his other friend again, or the heavy weight of all his regrets weighing on his shoulders. But no, it’s not any of those perfectly reasonable things that finally get Roxas to crack.

Roxas is housed in Sora’s heart. That much is well known at this point. What's not understood is that he, and the other two stuck there, are very well attuned to everything Sora is feeling. The most apparent feeling that is causing everyone there an exasperated frustration to rival Leon’s (and who even is that honestly? None of them have met him, but they feel a strong connection to him through Sora and it's _weird_ ) is Sora’s love for one Princess of Heart, Kairi.

It comes to them in waves, this feeling. They can only surmise that Sora is around Kairi when it does and that he isn't whenever it fades to a dull thrumming. But it's always there, lurking somewhere in his heart waiting to burst and absolutely _destroy_ anyone within it. Xion and Ventus find Sora’s crush adorable, always cooing once they recover from the waves of love that knock them all sideways, but Roxas can only feel frustrated over it.

It’s just—they've been dancing around each other for years! They've been flirting since before they knew what flirting was! Sora was fighting Riku over her before this whole… _mess_ even started! But, no, they're just real good friends, nothing special between them at all. It's not like Kairi was housed in Sora’s heart for the better part of a year because he was a safe haven of light for her. It's not like both of them dream (if Xion’s confirmations are anything to go by) of sharing a paopu fruit together. It's not like Kairi’s light and letter was the thing that brought Sora and Riku out of the Realm of Darkness. No, no, they're just friends.

It's _infuriating_.

Xion is always telling him that he needs to let it go, that the two will get together when they’re ready. When he's conscious, Ventus is always telling him that they have a big storm coming that they need to prepare for, so as much as he agrees, personal feelings need to be pushed away for the time being. (He looked rather sad when he said that. Which, yeah, Ven is always sad, but this specifically seemed to get him down). And Roxas understands—really, he does. That doesn’t mean he needs to comply with Ven and Xion’s logic.

Besides, he can only imagine it’s just as frustrating for the people outside of Sora’s heart as it is for the ones in it. If anything, he’s doing them all a favor.

Sora and Kairi are on their way to it anyway. They just need a little help talking about it. And Roxas knows exactly what to do to make them do so.

After all, sometimes things just need a little… _push_ in the right direction.

* * *

When Sora comes to, he is in the cave on the island. His sight is blurry for a second, but once he focuses he knows exactly why he’s here.

In front of him are the chalk drawings he and Kairi made back when they were kids. The ones where he added himself giving Kairi a paopu fruit the day before their islands fell. The ones where someone, probably Kairi (which is… weird to think about), added her giving him a paopu fruit back.

He has been waking up to find himself here for the past week and a half. At first, he thought it was some elaborate prank (even though a gentle breeze could shock him awake nowadays). Then he thought he was just sleepwalking (which admittedly was kind of stupid considering how he’d have to row a boat, dock it, and walk up the winding path to the cave all while out like a light. Need he remind you of his teen-onset light sleeper-ness?). Recently though, he sometimes feels like he’s hearing voices in his head, voices that aren’t his, and they’re arguing. They’re arguing all the time over something one person deems incredibly important, but what that something is he can’t figure out. He can only ever make out the one person, and that person is always the clearest to him whenever the three show up in his dreams.

It’s Roxas. There’s nobody else he knows that looks like that and that has some kind of connection to his heart. (He doesn’t know the other two, but he kinda feels like he should? Like, their silhouettes remind him of people he once knew, and their voices are so familiar it’s like he should know them as well as he knows Kairi or Riku) Roxas has the ability to somehow take control of his body when he’s sleeping, and the one thing he does, out of literally everything, is take him to the cave where his embarrassing confession is drawn in chalk. Which, yeah, it sounds a bit unbelievable, but with all the shit he’s seen? He has no doubt in his mind your ex-Nobody who’s currently residing in your heart waiting for a new body to live in could take over your body at your weakest.

He plops to the floor and stares at the chalk drawing, like it’ll have all the answers. And, like always, it has nothing to say.

Sora wonders if it’s petty revenge. Like, maybe, since Roxas is trapped in Sora’s heart until they all can find a body for him to inhabit, he’s angry at how Sora gets to keep this body, and he does the only thing he can do in his state, which is just reminding Sora of what a coward he is.

He’d like to think his Nobody would be more forgiving than that, but he guesses denying yourself emotions for the entirety of your existence and then being forced to give up that life just because some kid almost became a pawn of the bad guys ( _again_ ) kinda gives someone the right to be angry.

Either way, he doesn’t actually know what Roxas is trying to tell him by bringing him here, and it’s not like he can actually talk to the guy, so… what then?

At least he can take some comfort in how Roxas doesn’t think his plans through either.

“Sora?”

His keyblade is in his hand and he’s on his feet in a ready fighting stance before he can even blink. Kairi stands at the entrance to the tunnel leading out of the cave looking just as startled as him. Sora winces and forces himself to relax even as his physical heart pounds painfully against his ribcage. He casts a withering glance at the keyblade before allowing it to disappear. “Heh, sorry. Reflex,” he laughs and scratches at the back of his head.

“No, don’t be,” Kairi soothes softly, like she was talking to a frightened animal (and doesn’t that hurt; he’s supposed to be protecting her and all he does is scare her) and relaxes too.

“Um,” Sora starts lamely. “What’re you doin’ here?”

“Ah, you weren’t at home so…”

He blinks. “What did you need? It’s so late, you should be sleeping.”

Kairi shifts uncomfortably, rubbing at her arm. “I, uh, had a nightmare again.”

Sora tenses and takes a half step forward. “Oh, shoot, I’m so sorry. I would’ve been at home, it’s just…”

“No, no, it’s fine, seriously,” Kairi says. “There was only one other place you’d be. Which leads me to my next question: why are _you_ here? Shouldn’t _you_ be sleeping?” She grins.

Sora huffs out a laugh then sighs. “Yeah, I should be, but there’s this voice in my head making me come here.”

She raises an eyebrow. “In the middle of the night? To some old play cave of ours?”

“I didn’t say Roxas gave me a reason why.”

She looks surprised. “Roxas?”

Sora nods. “Yeah. He can apparently, like, take the reins sometimes? Of my body? Which I feel like I should be more worried about, and yet…” Kairi gives him an exasperated look and he smiles sheepishly. “Every time he just takes me here, for some reason. I wake up in front of—” He glances to his left at their chalk drawings, “er, yeah, I wake up here.”

“How do you know it’s him?”

“I’ve been having… weird dreams lately,” Sora says. “Like, there’s three people, and it’s all foggy, but I can kinda see one of them and it kind looks like Roxas. They’re arguing over something Roxas deems important, but I can’t really hear what it is.”

“Huh. Weird.” Kairi looks thoughtful. “Why would he bring you here? There’s only a bunch of our old drawings from when we were little, right?” Her eyes flick to his left and back. He doesn’t need to look to know what she’s looking at.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. I don’t have any idea why—” A thought comes to him unbidden and he suddenly wants to die, but not before finding that kid a god damn body because he’s a fucking angel. Roxas is trying to be a _wingman_ for him. Here he was thinking Roxas was trying to get some petty revenge when he’s just here trying to play Cupid. He’s gonna hug the shit out of this kid when they get him that body. And then die. Because, god, that’s embarrassing.

“What? Did you think of something?”

“Um, I mean…”

“Well, now you _have_ to tell me,” Kairi teases. She crosses her arms and pops out her hip, which doesn’t help his thoughts get back on track at all.

“Well—it’s just—” Then he looks over at the drawings, like a fool, as if they were supposed to get him out of this mess. Kairi follows his eye and settles back on her heels.

“Oh,” she whispers.

Because they’re standing together in front of their visual and mutual confession for the first time. The last time Sora remembers being in here with her was back when their world fell to darkness. He’s not even sure when she saw the paopu fruit addition. Did she see it before her heart sought refuge in his? Or did she see it after they were torn apart, when she landed back on Destiny Islands, after seeing both of her best friends go somewhere she couldn’t reach?

This is the nightmare scenario. Honestly.

“Yeah,” Sora says dumbly, because what the fuck is he supposed to say? He wasn’t exactly planning on spontaneously confessing his twelve year long crush on one of his best friends in the middle of the night on an island neither of them should be on right now. Sure he’s spontaneous, but even that’s a bit much for him.

They share a tense silence where neither one of them talks, just stare at their drawings like idiots, as if they will do the hard work for them. Sora wishes he could be as brave as chalk-Sora and give Kairi the damn fruit.

“So,” Kairi says, startling Sora again. “I talked to Roxas once.”

Sora’s head whips toward her. “What?”

Kairi nods, still staring at the chalk. “Yeah. It was during that year when nobody could remember you. One day I just heard his voice in my head. He was calling out to Namine, so I told him I wasn’t her, that I was Kairi. And he…” She flushes and looks up at him. “He said that he knew me. That I was the girl… “he” liked.”

Sora’s tongue is tied.

“At the time I didn’t really think anything of it because I was only focused on remembering you at all. And then it just slipped my mind. But, um, now that you mention him bringing you here because of that.” She gestures to the chalk. “Well, I remembered.”

“Oh.” Sora is going to die. He is going to burst into flames and turn into ashes before Kairi’s very eyes because there’s no way this much heat can be stored in a human head at one time safely.

“But um,” Kairi continues, oblivious to Sora’s incoming combustion. “I knew that already. I mean, I forgot _it_ when I forgot _you_ , but… I already knew.”

“You saw the…”

“The paopu, yeah,” Kairi finishes for him. “After you saved the worlds the first time. That’s when I…” She looks at the drawing again. “That’s when I added mine. Because I knew you would come back and I knew you would see it, and I thought…” She laughs. “Well, I thought we could share one, for real.”

“Oh.” Sora’s voice comes out strained, but his relief nearly matches the one he felt when he finally found Riku again.

“I was so relieved when you and Riku finally came home,” she says. “I was so happy and I was so ready to bring you here and tell you, but there was never a good time, and then the King’s letter came and suddenly everything was turned on its head.” Kairi’s hands clenched into fists and she sounded the angriest Sora had ever seen her, “You guys weren’t even home for two days before you were being summoned away again. You and Riku weren’t even able to adjust back to normal life. You guys weren’t even given a _break_.”

“Kairi…” Sora reaches out to her, hesitates.

She spins on her heel and storms a few feet away, throwing her arms in the air and yelling into the cave, “That king didn’t even care that you hadn’t been home in ages! He didn’t care about your families or your other friends! He didn’t care about the toll it’s had on you two! On what it’s had on _me_.”

“Kai—”

She spins around again and points at him. “And don’t you try to deny it, Sora. I’ve been spending every waking moment I can with you two. You’ve been gone for two years, but it’s like you’ve aged ten. You and Riku are always tired and stressed and even when you’re relaxing, you always look like you’re just waiting for something to break the peace. Hell, I just said your _name_ a few minutes ago and you were about ready to cut me to ribbons!” Sora winces and looks away. Her arm drops and she hugs herself, looking at the ground. “He doesn’t care at all. None of them do. They just want more pawns to play in their stupid war, didn’t even stop to ask if you guys were okay or ready, just planned on throwing you into yet another fight without any breathing room.” Kairi looks up at him through her eyelashes. “They don’t care at all about us.”

And of course, Sora still protests, despite her words sinking coldly into his skin, “Kairi, of course they care! I’ve been traveling with Donald and Goofy this whole time and they’ve always had my back. The King, he was always there, supporting us from the shadows. He saved my life countless times this last adventure, I owe my life to him. Of course they care… Of course they do.” But yeah, he is run down. Spread thin. Anxious. But that doesn’t mean the King and Donald and Goofy don’t care. That Leon and Yuffie and Aerith don’t care. They’re all working just as hard, because they have to. If they don’t stop Xehanort, then billions, _trillions_ , of people could die. That’s why he and Riku have to officially become masters, to be prepared for what’s going to come. That’s why they’ve been working so hard. It doesn’t matter about personal feelings, it doesn’t matter how drained they are, as long as they’re prepared to save the worlds.

Again.

“They care…” Sora repeats with hesitation because while he knows they do, they have a weird way of showing it.

“ _I_ care, Sora,” Kairi says. “I care so much about you, and Riku, and of course I want the worlds to be safe, for _once_ , but I am absolutely not going to let you two work yourselves into the ground for some martyrdom you’ve convinced yourself of. I won’t stop you from leaving, but you’re crazy if you think I’m going to let you go off without me again. I love you too much to let you do that to yourself.”

And the thing about love is that talking about it vaguely and implying it is way, _way_ different than actually hearing it declared loud and clear with his own two ears.

Sora takes a surprised step back, a strangled noise making its way out of his throat like the wind had been torn from him. Kairi snorts out a laugh and then covers her mouth and nose with both hands, her body flinching downwards as if she were going to jump. All seriousness just drains out of her and she looks absolutely ecstatic, even a bit shocked, like she didn’t mean to actually say it, despite her previous anger. The tension has gone from her shoulders as well, like a huge weight has been lifted.

And honestly? Sora feels weightless.

She loves him. She _loves_ him. She loves _him_ . Sora. _Sora._

A laugh bubbles out of him once he recovers from his shock, and when they make eye contact, their laughter fills the tiny cave. Why was that so hard? Why had he been agonizing over this for years? It seems so stupid in hindsight, when he’s laughing with the person he loves more than anything in all the worlds over their own hesitation.

Because yeah, sure, there’s a lot of shit going on that’s scary and unknown, and sure, Sora sometimes finds himself wishing none of this had happened, that they’d been able to stay on the island and live with the rapidly straining friendship/rivalry that he and Riku shared with Kairi, but if anything is worth all of that pain and hurt it’s this feeling right now that is blooming warm and bright in Sora’s heart.

He is suddenly in front of Kairi again, and her laughter dies out in what’s probably confusion as his hands cup her cheeks and he finally, finally, kisses her.

The sudden quiet is deafening after having their laughter fill the space around them. When they break apart, Sora’s whisper feels too loud in the little space between them: “I love you, too.”

Kairi smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck and already leaning towards him again, saying, “Fucking finally.”

He gets a laugh out before their lips connect again and for once in the past weeks, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

They’re walking hand in hand to the dock when Sora remembers the drawing that'd started it all. "One sec," he says to Kairi before dashing off for the tiny islet. He's tall enough now that he can just jump up to the connecting bridge, so it's only a minute or two before he's back at Kairi's side, a freshly picked Paopu fruit in his hand. Kairi smiles softly, her face flushed pink in the moonlight.

"I, um," Sora says. "We were talking about it, and... well, I thought it'd be nice to imitate our art."

Kairi giggles and nods. "I'd love to."

Sora grins widely and holds out the fruit. Kairi puts her hands on his and leans toward it, Sora quickly following.

When they pull away, they grimace at each other and then laugh. "Wow, that was terrible," Kairi says, covering her mouth with one hand.

"Yeah." Sora nods, his face scrunched up in disgust. "Really, really bitter."

Kairi laughs again and takes the fruit from his hands. "Well now that our fates are entwined or whatever." Then she chucks the fruit into the sea.

Sora bursts out laughing at her sudden action and Kairi smiles at him. "What? We definitely weren't going to finish it."

Sora nods, giggling, and wipes tears from his eyes. "I know, still." Once his vision clears, he notices the soft look Kairi's giving him and feels a bit self conscious. "What?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing. I just love you, at lot."

Sora's face heats up again. "No fair, you can't just! Kairi!"

Kairi laughs, open and beautiful, and is quick to stop his protests with another heart stopping kiss.

A few minutes later, when they're making their way back to the boats again, Sora finally notices the very distant screaming in his head. He chuckles a bit and says in responses to Kairi’s questioning glance, “I think Roxas is happy.”

Kairi giggles and leans into Sora’s side, taking his hand again. “Well, good. He deserves it after all the work he’s put into making this happen. I think we owe him some thanks.”

“Yeah.” Sora nods. He knew he was going to do his damndest to get Roxas his own body anyway, but with all he’s done just to get the two of them together? Sora will stop at nothing. He doesn’t even care why Roxas did it, but, god, is Sora glad he did.

He’s not even scared about his Mark of Mastery exam tomorrow. It’s like all worry has been completely drained from him, just knowing all his friends are by his side. He and Riku will pass with flying colors and they’ll take Xehanort down.

As long as he has all of his friends, Sora can do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> So, of course, I had to add that at the end because I love me some good ole fashioned Irony.  
> Took fuckin forever, but here it is and I'm rather proud of it, so I hope it pleases the Great Rex, may his reign continue evermore.


End file.
